He cares about the little things. Even though this site was the source of me turning my back on Him, He is using it for HIS glory. Satan will not win, and will never win. God always has the final victory.
Anyway, He cares about the little things. The really small, almost forgetable, type things. I really wanted 50 followers. Ya know, it was just a silly Tumblr goal. Well tonight, on the night of my departure from Tumblr, on the night that I stumbled, on the night that God is blessing me with prayer and mercy and forgiveness and grace, I have gained not just 50.. but 51 followers. Did I even really care that I didn’t have 50 followers? No! But God cares about me. And He loves me. And He does these little things for me that just continue to blow my mind. What a wonderful God that we serve.
So, I love Tumblr. So much. But, as some of you know, Tumblr is also an easy access site to sex and “sexual immorality”. In reguards to my own personal testimony, God is calling me to step away from Tumblr for the next month. He has already drawn me close, but we have some work to do in my life and in my heart. And, although it’s so tough, I have to shut off a total gateway to temptation. In a couple hours, my wonderful and dear accountability partner will be changing my password. No more Tumblr for me, for awhile.
However, as the title says: prayers would be awesome. Especially just for tonight. Falling into temptation after fighting for a year and a half can be devastating and Satan is just attacking me with shame.
But, I leave you all not asking for just prayer for tonight, but for awhile. I know that I live in a generation of technology and that there is an ENTIRE INTERNET out there that can pray for me. That is crazy prayer power!!!! All of you wonderful followers that post the most encouraging Bible verses and posts… I will be praying for YOU.
Please pray for me guys. It would mean the world to me, and make this daily walk with Christ a little bit easier.
Honest. I want to be able to tell the truth, even if it hurts. I want to be able to ask for and accept help when I need it, to admit when I’m struggling, and to admit that I’m not okay a lot of the time. I want to be able to say how I feel without feeling ashamed, bad, guilty, or wrong.
Patient. I want to be able to live by God’s timing, not the world’s. I realize that I’ve been born into an instant-gratification centered society. It’s so easy and socially-acceptable to be impatient and angry when my wants, wishes, and needs aren’t met ‘fast enough.’ I want to live in the moment that God has given me, and maintain peace about His plan for me.
Confident. I want to be able to be comfortable with being my own person; a unique, non-conforming individual who finds her identity in the One who is making her new. I want to be able to stand up when the world tells me to sit down, to speak up when society tells me to shut up, and to walk with my head held high when life brings me down.
Real. I want to be able to allow people to see my struggles, my brokenness, and my true emotions. I want to be able to show up and mean it, and allow myself to feel, even in the presence of others. I want to be present in each second of life that the Lord gives me, and allow Him to use me in whatever condition I’m in, even if I feel broken and useless. I want to be honest about my shortfalls, mistakes, and imperfections, even if it means being judged in the process.
Faithful. I want to be able to trust God with all that I am no matter what. If I’m having a bad day, I want to glorify Him. If I’m having a good day, I want to glorify Him. I want to be able to depend on Him for everything, even when I think I can do it on my own. I want to proclaim the joy and peace that comes from Him in all circumstances, and show those around me that they are loved by the Most High, no matter where they are in life.
Compassionate. I want to be able to serve and love others because I care about them. I want to be able to see people through Jesus’ eyes, and be able to be there for them. I want to see when they’re struggling, what they need, and what I can pray for. I want to show them a sliver of the great amount of compassion and love that the Lord has for them. I want to love because I was, and am, loved.
A Light. I want to bring light into the darkness, even if it means going out of my comfort zone to seek out the people that need it the most. I want to depend on and revel in Christ so much that people can’t help but notice the sense of purpose, direction, confidence, peace, and joy that He gives me. In a lost, broken, and hurting world, I want to spread the hope and love of Jesus with everyone I come in contact with.
An Example. I want to be an example of what it truly means to follow Christ to my peers, friends, and family. I want to lead by action, not words. I want to show the people around me that crap happens; bad things happen to good people. But that Jesus is there, working the entire time, even when we can’t see Him. I want to be able to testify to the amazing amount of joy, peace, and love that comes with knowing, resting in, and trusting Christ.
A Servant. I want to consistently, passionately, and extravagantly serve the people around me. I want to be Jesus’ hands and feet, even if the task I set out to do isn’t deemed important or worthwile by the world. I want to put others above myself, loving them no matter what, deeply, and how Christ first loved me. I want to be able to let God use me in any situation to further His Kingdom, regardless of what I have planned. I want to be able to find my reward in the joy of knowing that God can use me in any condition - I just have to let Him.
A Beacon of Hope. I want to be able to provide a sense of hope, worth, and relief to other people in my situation. I want to be able to show them that, even though the odds are against us, recovery, and I mean complete recovery, is possible through the Ultimate Healer. I want to be a source of encouragement, an instigator of perserverance, and a table-turner of motivation. I want to defy the odds, and then remind my fellow fighters that they can do it, and that nothing is impossible through Christ.
Humble. I want to constantly be able to give all the glory to Jesus, even when society tells me that it’s okay to take it for myself. I want to be able to see others as Christ sees them: free of judgement, labels, or blame. I want to be able to glorify Him in every victory, defeat, win and loss. I want to be able to be content without recognition, and to be satisfied with what I do for the Lord within myself. I want to be the first to apologize, forgive, and love.
Selfless. I want to be able to serve others without expecting anything in return, without hesitaion, and without reservation. I want to be able to show others Christ’s love knowing that He gave it to me so that I could give it away without judgement, grudges, score-keeping, or strings attatched. I want to be able to deeply and compassionately love others knowing that sometimes they won’t be in a position to reciprocate.
Unique. I want to be able to embrace the quirks, personality, strengths, weaknesses, gifts, and abilities that make me who I am. I want to rest in the knowledge that God created me different than anyone who was, is, or will be for a reason, and that He loves me for who I am right now. I want to dare to be different, separate, and my own person.
Enough. I want to be able to look at both my outsides and my insides and see them as enough, as the Lord’s creation, as beautiful. I want to be able to be content with imperfection, and claim the peace that comes with being sufficient, perfectly in progress, and the daughter of a Father who made everything, and yet still cares about her more than she could ever understand.